LANGUAGE:
Instruction For Fathers
(Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21)
As you know, today is Father’s Day, a day for picnics and backyard grilling, kite flying, breakfast in bed, axe throwing, playing old video games, and homemade ice cream. And from ‘You-Want-To-Know-Department’, the first celebration of Father’s Day took place on June 19, 1910. Since then it has had it has fought for survival until 1972 when President Nixon signed a proclamation making Father’s Day a federal holiday.[i]
However, we all know that this day doesn’t carry the same importance as Mother’s Day. I read recently that more phone calls are made on Mothers Day than any other holiday, and more collect calls are made on Father’s Day than any other holiday. Then there is the child who was asked about Father’s Day, they said, “It’s just like Mother’s Day, only you don’t spend as much on gifts.”[ii] On that note, it is estimated this year that gifting on Father’s Day is estimated to be around 20 billion dollars, making the average gift for honoring Fathers and other important men at $171.79.[iii] So to all you Father’s and important men, Happy Father’s Day.
Let’s open our time in prayer: -- Heavenly Father, I pray that the words that You have given me will be words that will encourage all men, and especially fathers. May us menfolk remember that despite our sins, failings and inconsistencies, that in Jesus we are far more loved than we’ll ever understand or know. In the Name of Jesus, amen –
This morning I want to speak to Father’s, and all want-to-be-Fathers. But at the same time I think single Moms will find God’s word to be helpful in their parenting challenges as well. I like Alistair Begg's summation, ‘If you think it’s tough being a kid, wait till you become a dad.’”[iv] I can personally testify that being a father is not just challenging, it is a hard road to follow.
I invite you to open your Bibles to Ephesians 6:4 where we read: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the disciple and instruction of the Lord. The verse is pretty straight forward and to the point, and breaks down naturally into four parts:
Let’s look at these parts one at a time in reverse order:
Notice that we’re told to bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. What that means is, our discipline and instruction has a center, and that center is the Lord. So let’s start with the last word “Lord”.
The word Lord is an extremely lofty title. So Romans 14:9 (NASB95) For to this end Christ died and lived again, that He might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.[v] ….
We start here because there is no greater calling for holy living than submission to the sovereignty of the ‘lordship’ of Jesus Christ I believe God makes that clear in Deuteronomy 6:5–7 (NASB95) 5“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6“These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. 7“You shall teach them diligently to your sons (and daughters) and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
So here in Ephesians, Paul’s point is for Fathers is to instill a driving desire in our children to please the Lord of the Universe. Why? Because He is 15the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation, Colossians 1:15–18 (NASB95) 16For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created through Him and for Him. 17He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. 18He is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, And why is this so important? so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything.
To center our instruction and discipline of the Lord means that He is not a global world leader. He supersedes all the powerful leaders of the world, because it is--16by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created through Him and for Him. Therefore, I conclude that as Fathers (and I might add single Moms) we are called to bring our children up intentionally focused on the grandness and majesty of God, that He is sovereign over all things.
The fear of the Lord comes when we see Him in His majesty and power. Without the fear of the Lord, we make life decisions based on our own faulty human understanding.[viii]
So our assignment as Fathers and single moms is to make the Lord the center of our instruction. To make the Lord the center of our homes means we acknowledge Him as the ultimate authority in our lives and our parenting agendas.
Now to the commands. The instructional command falls into two parts. The first part or directive is that we are not to provoke our children to anger . . .
What does that mean? It does not mean, as a parent, that we never say ‘no’ to our children. And it does not mean that we give our kids every thing they desire. Anger springs up when children think parent’s rules are petty, trifling, and unreasonable.
How do we provoke our children to anger?
John Stott writes, Wise parenting recognizes that not all the non-conforming responses of childhood deserve to be styled as ‘rebellion.’”[x]
If you are following with your Bibles open, you’ll notice there is a little letter in front of Fathers. In my Bible it is the letter ‘a’. In case you were wonder why that is there, it is because it is part of a cross-reference system which can be very helpful. The little letter ‘a’ takes us over to Colossians 3:21 which reads, Fathers, do not provoke your children, (with this explanation) so that they will not lose heart.
Eugene Peterson, in his paraphrase The Message renders it this way: Parents, don’t come down too hard on your children or you’ll crush their spirits [Colossians 3:21 (The Message)]. The Phillips paraphrase says it like this, “Fathers, [do not] over-correct your children, or they will grow up feeling inferior and frustrated.” I believe the point for us as parents is to know the power of restraint on our part. Because, if we don’t how to restrain, we’ll crush our children’s spirit, and they’ll grow up with a frustrated inferior sense of identity. I have stories of men and women who live frustrated inferior lives because they were crushed as children.
Going back to our verse in Ephesians, as parents we are being instructed to parent in such a way that the majesty and wonder of the Lord of heaven rules our lives. That we live out our life pursuits under the jurisdiction of the sovereign Lord of heaven. When we parent that way, our children will not be crushed in spirit.
John Piper writes: a child who sees that the rules of the home and their consistent enforcement are connected to some greater vision of life and some great cause to live for, will not harbor resentment toward their parents. They will be like young soldiers who may complain now and then about the toughness of the training but would die any day with the captain, because the cause he stands for is so great.[xi]
The fact that we are citizens of heaven who are raised with Christ, and rooted in Christ, and residing in the heavenlies with Christ should dramatically affect what it means to be a parent, and certainly what it means to be a father. So our memory verses this week, Colossians 3:1–4 (NASB95) 1Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. 3For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.
So our first principle for child rearing is to center our children’s mind on the wonder and majesty of the Lord God of heaven.
So, what might be some guiding principles for teaching the discipline and instruction of the Lord?
I know that you are practical and thinking people, but let me stir your thoughts with six principles that I believe ya’ll will find helpful in raising the next generation of Godly children
1 Peter 2:1–2 (NASB95) 1Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, 2like newborn babies, long for (or perhaps better, crave for) the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation. The idea here is the craving the Word of God vs nastiness, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander. Its knowing that we died with Christ (Gal 2:20). Its teaching our children to crave for spiritual nourishment like the cravings of nursing child for milk. When our children yearn for spiritual nourishment, they will be less involved in bitter arguments and deceitful communications.[xii] So as parents we need to dig into the Word with our children for spiritual nourishing, delicious food, and drink.
Why? Because Jesus said in Matthew 4:4 (NASB95) “It is written, ‘MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE, BUT ON EVERY WORD THAT PROCEEDS OUT OF THE MOUTH OF GOD.’ ”, John 6:33 (NASB95) 33“Because the bread of God is that which comes down out of heaven, and gives life to the world.” In John 6:63 Jesus said the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life.[xiii] Leading children in some kind of family devotions helps to stimulate cravings for spiritual nourishment, exercising visible practice of holiness--because in prayer and the reading of Scripture we enter the holiness of God[xiv]
As followers of Christ we are part of a special priesthood, serving as mediators between God and people. A mediator is a special envoy who exemplifies Christ, opening the way for others to come to God to have their sins forgiven. We need to teach our children to serve as priests, as mediators of God.
What might be some spiritual sacrifices? Peter writes in 1 Peter 4:7-11 the end of all things is near; therefore . . . then he lists some spiritual sacrifices that we should pass on to our children: prayer, power of love, hospitality without complaining, a serving attitude . . . so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever.
1 Corinthians 6:19–20 (NASB95) As a child of God 19our body ‘has become the’ temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 20For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.[xv] Knowing that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and that we have been bought with a price becomes a motivator for personal holiness.
Romans 12:1–2 (NASB95) 1Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. 2And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.[xvi]
Notice, when we are not in conformity to the patterns of this world[xvii]—which include our thoughts (Rom. 2:16), our words (Matt 12:36), our works (Matt. 16:27), our cultural stance (Rom 1:28-32) we are able to prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Until we present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, break conformity to this world and renew our minds, we cannot know or show what the will of God is. What I want us to get a grip on, is that what we do with our bodies plays a significant role in getting a grip on the will of God for our lives.[xviii]
5. Fifth, teach our children righteousness and justice.
God tells us in Genesis 18:19 (NASB95) “I chose Abraham, so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice, so that the LORD may bring upon Abraham what He has spoken about him.”[xix] As Abraham was called to train the coming generation to keep the way of the Lord, so we also are called to teach our children the way of righteousness and justice. Micah 6:8, What does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God.
According to the Psalms and the Prophets, righteousness and justice are a big deal with God.[xx] One cannot call themselves godly if one is not righteous. To act righteously and justly means that we express by our deeds and our words by the righteous and justice of God. Psalm 37:30 (NASB95) The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, And his tongue speaks justice. The Bible tells us that righteousness and justice are part of God’s character. It is only when we are in relationship with God in Christ that we can do righteousness and justice. The way we live out our lives should be an expression of the righteousness that we receive from God when we are in Christ Jesus.
Jesus said in Matthew 6:33 (NASB95) “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. To understand what it means to seek first the kingdom of God, we must first understand that the kingdom is not a palace hidden in the jungles of Africa, or the Amazon, or on some distant hill in Europe, or floating around in the skies above. The Kingdom of God is God’s redemptive rule and reign in the here and now. In the Bible the Kingdom of God points to God’s sovereign governance over all created things, seen and unseen. In seeking out the Kingdom of God, we must come to know the King, that would be King Jesus, God’s redemptive King who came to give His life so that we might be transferred from Satan’s realm to God’s realm.
To help us understand what Jesus is telling us--seek first His kingdom --we need to insert it into the context. If we put it in context, these words grow out of Jesus’ admonition that we are not to let out minds be inundated by worry, anxiety, and temptations of the world.[xxi] When we make God’s kingdom and His righteousness our driving passion, the necessities of life will be added to you. As Psalm 37:34 (NASB95)Wait for the LORD and keep His way, And He will exalt you to inherit the land . . .
So let’s consider our calling--seek out God’s Kingdom with all we have, looking in every nook and cranny until, in our search, until we see the display of His fingerprints in all facets of our lives. To seek the kingdom of God is to intentionally focus on and fully experience our relationship with God.
I love how John Piper sums this up: Instead of being anxious, “Seek first God’s kingdom.” In other words, when you think about your life or your food or your clothes or your spouse or your job or your mission, don’t fret about them. Instead, make God the king in that affair and in that moment, and hand over the situation to his kingly power and do his righteous will with the confidence that he will work for you and meet all your needs. To seek the kingship of God first in every affair and every moment of life is a thrilling way to live. It’s full of freedom and peace and joy and adventure — and hardship, and it’s worth it all. If you believe in the kingship of your heavenly Father, you do not need to be anxious about anything.[xxii]
Remember we are looking at v4 in reverse fashion. Now a word to Fathers, and I might add anybody that is parenting. When I think about being a Father, I find myself thinking past my biological Father, to my Father who is in heaven.
In John 8:42-44 Jesus got into it with an unruly crowd of Jews. V41, They said to Him, We were not born of fornication; we have one Father: God. Jesus retorts back: If God were your Father, you would love me, for I have come from God . . . but your father is the devil, and you do the desires of your father.
The Bible makes it clear that God is not everybody’s Father, but only the Father to those who are led by the Spirit of Christ, Romans 8. My point is, when we have the Spirit of Christ, God is then my Father, and according to Ephesians 5:1-2 I am called to emulate Him. 1Be imitators of God, as beloved children; 2and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. In relationship to parenting, Jesus becomes my model for parenting my children.
In Colossians 1:13 we are told that our life in Christ began when God delivered us from Satan’s domain into kingdom of His dear Son. Using the Amplified Version, when we acknowledge our spiritual brokenness by confessing our sins, confessing Jesus as Lord, and believing in our hearts that God raised Him from the dead (Romans 10:9), God becomes our Father, and draws us to Himself.
What then is our new position? Peter states it like this in 1 Peter 2:9. We become a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. What this means is that now as a Father, as a parent, I am called to proclaim the excellencies of Him who called us out of darkness into His marvelous light.
As Fathers, as parents, we need to demonstrated to our children that we are committed to walking in obedience, and proclaiming the excellencies of Him who called us out of darkness.
Well, a final word to Fathers and parents, whoever you might be. The goal of a biblical father, of biblical parents, is to raise up a generation of children who love the Lord our God with all their hearts, with all their souls, with their strength so that we, and our children and their children after them may fear the LORD our God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that God gives us, and so that we may enjoy long life.” (Deuteronomy 6:5)
Hear me. I know it is hard. But don’t let your kids dictate their God connections or your God connections. Bring them to Sunday worship. It’s ok they wiggle and squiggle. Let them see you open your Bibles. Let them hear you sing and see you left your hands in praise. Let them see that you are serious as to your walk with God.
As Fathers we need to understand that we are meant to be instruments in God’s hand.
As the father, as parents it is our role is to faithfully model what it means to walk with God. What our children learn about God from us, they will put those lessons in good standing throughout their earthly lives, no matter where they find themselves.
A good father or parent will continually ponder:
In light of all this, be diligent to make certain the calling of God and His choosing you . . . confessing in your heart that Jesus is Lord, and believing that God raised Him from the dead.
Let’s close in prayer: -- Heavenly Father, I pray that out of all these words you will help each and every one of us—whether it be Dads or single Moms—acknowledging that Your love for us is unconditional, beyond measure. When it comes to parenting, we acknowledge that we cannot make our children love Jesus, but we can introduce them to Jesus and His words of everlasting hope. And so I ask that you come along side discouraged Dads and single Moms, and give them hope, give them the answers to the questions and struggles of our children. Give us the wisdom needed to guide our children through the maze of this twisted and degenerated culture that we find ourselves in. Help us, then, to do all that we can and all that we should, by your grace, to this end. For Jesus’ sake we ask it. Amen.
[i] https://www.history.com/topics/holidays/fathers-day
[ii] Dale Miller, Father’s Day Sermon, https://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/fathers-day-dale-miller-sermon-on-miracles-of-jesus-80807
[iii] Mary McGinty, Consumers to Spend $20 Billion on Father’s Day Gifts, https://nrf.com/media-center/press-releases/consumers-spend-20-billion-fathers-day-gifts
[iv] Alistair Begg, Fathers (Colossians 3:21), https://www.truthforlife.org/resources/sermon/fathers/
[v] James D. G. Dunn, Romans 9–16, vol. 38B, Word Biblical Commentary (Dallas: Word, Incorporated, 1988), 808. It is the completeness of the lordship which is in view here
[vi] Proverbs 1:7 (NASB95) 7The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.; Proverbs 15:33 (NASB95) 33The fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom, And before honor comes humility.
[vii] https://www.gotquestions.org/fear-Lord-beginning-wisdom.html
[viii] Proverbs 3:5–6 (NASB95)5Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. 6In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.
[ix] Proverbs 14:27 (NASB95) The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, That one may avoid the snares of death.;
[x] John Stott, The Message of Ephesians (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic, 2014), 247.
[xi] John Piper, Raising Children Who Hope in the Triumph of God (Ephesians 6:4), https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/raising-children-who-hope-in-the-triumph-of-god
[xii] Scot McKnight, 1 Peter, The NIV Application Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1996), 105.
[xiii] Cf., John 4:34 Jesus said, My food is to do the will of Him who sent me to finish His work.
[xiv] Simon J. Kistemaker and William Hendriksen, Exposition of the Epistles of Peter and the Epistle of Jude, vol. 16, New Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1953–2001), 82.
[xv] Cf., Romans 12:1–3 (NASB95) 1Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. 2And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. 3For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith.
[xvi] Cf., Romans 1:24–32 (NASB95) 24Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. 25For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. 26For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, 27and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error. 28And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, 29being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, 30slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; 32and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.
[xvii] Cf., In Luke 17:32, Jesus said, "Remember Lot's wife." He says that she sought to save her life but lost it. John warns in I John 2:15 to “love not the world.” The world is cosmos, a system apart from God, being organized and regulated upon false principles and false values. It has made us what we are before God calls us, requiring our repentance and conversion. 1 Timothy 6:7–11 (NASB95)7For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. 8If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content. 9But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 11But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness. Matthew 13:22 (NASB95) 22“And the one on whom seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of the world and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful. 2 Timothy 4:10 (NASB95)10for Demas, having loved this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica; Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia. Commentator Adam Clarke writes: Man is anxious over worldly cares with the delusive hopes and promises of riches. This causes man to abandon the great concerns of the soul and seek in their place what he shall eat, what he shall drink, and wherewithal he shall be clothed. It is the dreadful stupidity of man thus to barter spiritual for temporal good - a heavenly inheritance for an empty portion. https://www.bibletools.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Topical.show/RTD/CGG/ID/1077/Cares-of-World.htm
[xviii] Ephesians 4:17–23 (NASB95) 17So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, 18being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; 19and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. 20But you did not learn Christ in this way, 21if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus,
22that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, 23and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind,
[xix] https://pursuingthetruth.org/righteousness-and-justice/
[xx] Psalm 10:17–18 (NKJV) — 17 Lord, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear, 18 To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, That the man of the earth may oppress no more. Psalm 33:5 (NKJV) — 5 He loves righteousness and justice; The earth is full of the goodness of the Lord. Psalm 89:14 (NKJV) — 14 Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne; Mercy and truth go before Your face .Psalm 103:6 (NKJV) — 6 The Lord executes righteousness And justice for all who are oppressed .Psalm 146:5–9 (NKJV) — 5 Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help, Whose hope is in the Lord his God, 6 Who made heaven and earth, The sea, and all that is in them; Who keeps truth forever, 7 Who executes justice for the oppressed, Who gives food to the hungry. The Lord gives freedom to the prisoners. 8 The Lord opens the eyes of the blind; The Lord raises those who are bowed down; The Lord loves the righteous. 9 The Lord watches over the strangers; He relieves the fatherless and widow; But the way of the wicked He turns upside down. Psalm 11:7 (NKJV) — 7 For the Lord is righteous, He loves righteousness; His countenance beholds the upright.
[xxi] Donald A. Hagner, Matthew 1–13, vol. 33A, Word Biblical Commentary (Dallas: Word, Incorporated, 1993), 162. This lengthy passage finds its unity in the common subject matter and particularly in the verb μεριμνᾶν (“be anxious”), which occurs six times in these verses (the only other occurrence in Matthew is in 10:19). Also to be noted are the repeated imperative verbs in this pericope (vv 25, 26, 28, 31, 33, 34).
[xxii] John Piper, “Do not be Anxious About your Life” (Matthew 6:33) https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/do-not-be-anxious-about-your-life